Men are not Messiahs. Don’t raise them up to be.

I remember this was one of those rare evenings when I was really dressed up. I was wearing a green saree, a little make up, loads of bangles. I was not alone. There were a group of 4 young girls with me. In our early 20s, we were all dressed up. We had just finished dancing our hearts out at the ‘sangeet’ ceremony of a very dear friend, whom we considered as an elder sister. As we finished, one of the girls offered to drive us to the home where we all were meant to stay. So we bid our goodbyes and moved towards the car. I stood there admiring the girl who was maneuvering a tough reverse, but with super ability. And just as we all made ourselves comfortable in the car, an aunty from church who is very dear to us, pushes a boy into the car. We hear her shout, “its past 11pm, you girls cannot go alone”. I scowled within myself but smiled outwardly. I did not want to create a scene. I wasn’t that upset over her for saying we girls couldn’t go by ourselves. I could live with that, but I couldn’t come to terms with her source of comfort- a young teenager meant to protect 4 girls in their early twenties!

So I looked at this boy, our protector, our shield. He was 16-years-old. He was thin, his jeans just about managed to cling on to its place. I looked at him closely, again. And I looked at our group of girls. I wondered, if something was to go wrong, what would this young boy be able to do? I felt humiliated as a girl, not by the innocent teenager but by the ‘apparent wisdom’ of a woman in her 40s.

Over the years, as I have revisited this incident again and again in my head, my answer still remains the same. ‘Nothing significant’. That teenager would have been able to do nothing that we girls wouldn’t be able to do.

What troubles me is the fact, many a times a sense of security that the presence of a man brings to a woman is, misplaced. But families, institutions and even the churches (since I am a church-goer) only seem to reinforce this sense of misplaced security.

As I write, it’s not the men I have in mind. It’s the women.
The mothers, the sisters, the daughters, the female friends who time and again have through thoughts, words and gestures bruised, scarred and stunted the self-image of young girls, instilling in them a sense of inadequacy and fear.

True, the times that we live in are very troublesome, worrisome et al.
But do we women even want to be able to provide our girls with an atmosphere where they can grow up to believe that they are capable of ensuring their own safety? I ask this, because off late I don’t see that as a concern anymore among our women folks. And that is where the danger lies.

Let me at this point clarify, I don’t think that women are better than men, or that we all are self-contained. But I do believe as men and women we have been wired in certain ways that complement each other. Sadly, we have allowed tradition to distort what God intended to be a brilliant masterpiece of inter-dependence. And we seem to be not only ‘comfortably numb’ with all the distortions but even their propagators.

Over the past few years, I have heard men in influential positions and women, stand up and say that girls should know how to make boys their brothers. They claim that such women will always find boys/men protecting them in their time of need. I stand horrified and appalled at such advices for more reasons than one.


To begin with, every relationship is beautiful and the boundaries need to be respected. For few of us, (I wish I could say many of us) a brother is a brother, a friend is a friend and an acquaintance is just an acquaintance. Each of them has their place in our lives. Women, need to know, that we don’t need a brother made out of many men to protect us. Every woman is responsible and capable of protecting herself, just the way a man knows.

Relatively speaking, a woman might be physically weaker than her male counterpart. But how often do you see these days a man rising in his shining armour, conquering his opponents with his aerial stunts and sword to protect a woman? I haven’t seen this happen in my life till now but I still will concede that I know many could and would do so. But how many of them would succeed? Within 1 year itself, we’ve had 2 infamous rape cases out in the limelight, where the male companions were helpless witnesses and targets of cruelty. Just like the women, they too were not to be blamed. But the guilt that at least one of the men has been struggling with is that he failed in protecting the woman. God has blessed each of us human beings with all the faculties required to avoid, foresee or even deal with any situation. Can we allow that to be nurtured even as we continue to help each other out?

If only, we could liberate our men from burdens that they are not meant to carry alone, by equipping and enabling our women. By changing our psyche.

Interestingly, for the church goers like me, the bible says, when God punished the Serpent, Adam and Eve- one of the things pronounced on the woman was, “Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you”.

Sadly, how many of us are living under that very judgment despite being given the freedom of restoration. We worship God claiming to do so in spirit and truth, but our minds are shallow, gripped by traditions that still hinder a woman from growing into all that she can. So how then is that a true worship?

But before I conclude, I have many trustworthy male companions, just like many trustworthy women in my life. And recently, I was bailed out of a tight spot by my male friend. After a meeting that got over around 9:30 pm, I was stranded without a car, cab or auto. He drove nearly 90 kms to and fro, out of his way to drop me back home because he was my friend. Not someone responsible for my safety alone. I remember thanking him and actually being filled with gratitude. But I also know this, whether he was there or not, I was responsible for my safety and I had my back up options clearly laid out in my head. Most importantly, even as we both drove to my home that night, where my parents were waiting, I know this for sure that through the lonely stretches on the road he was as unsafe as I was and we both were aware of the threats. I should have planned my return in a more prudent manner, something my parents have always trained me in. With better planning, I could have ensured that he and I felt safer.

I have always loved Jesus in the Bible because he has liberated, restored, stuck to the truth and created a new culture, questioning the traditions where it was required. I am hoping that we church-goers would emulate the same, embrace freedom that equips and enables. And, that we women all around would help each other in living our lives.

As I travel and meet people from various regions and strata, my heart's desire is that we would be seen first as human beings, and only after that as men or women - so that we together can bring out the humanness within us.